Oh the tube. That glorious, sticky metal cylinder that similarly mesmerises and aggravates me every single day of my working week. On the one hand, I'm constantly fascinated by the sophisticated nature of the system: we're under the actual ground; we're travelling fast; we can get from one side of London to the other in 30 mins! On the other hand, I'm typically aggravated: it's bloody hot; my nose is in someone else's shoulder/crotch/armpit; I feel like a cow on the way to the slaughterhouse.

However, one big thing has changed my tube life, and that is my number of daily tube crushes. I'm sure you're all familiar with the Rush Hour Crush section of The Metro (don't even try and pretend you don't casually glance at this column every day just to double check you're not in it...), and it can certainly be said that the average commuter develops approx 200 tube crushes every single day (myself included) (normally more) (lol). 

So with the night tube map unveiled this week, and an inevitable increase in beer-addled-eyes, late-night-London-fuzziness and post-night-out-glow all set to triple the average number of daily tube crushes, I thought it was about time to equip the romantically-challenged masses with some handy tube chat ups to ease us all into the brave new world of the 24-hour tube*

*Disclaimer: I will take no responsibility for any of these resulting in a slap/punch/premature termination of night tube journey. On the other hand, should you find success, you can repay me by naming your first-born Charlea, and inviting me to the wedding, obvs. 

1 | "I can give you Morden him"

2 | "Baby, you give me a really special f-Ealing"

3 | "Girl, you're my Angel"

4 | "I don't Mind Your Gap..."

5 | "Go on. Take a Chance(ry Lane) on me"

6 | "Your love takes me to the Edg-ware"

7 | "My heart is Ful-ham of love for you"

8 | "Do it to me Goodge (Street)"

9 | "There's a Hol-born in my heart, and only you can fill it"

10 | "You want a piece of me? Join the Kew"

11 | "Don't Kil-burn this spark"

12 | "Can I Ley-ton by your side?"

13 | "You're Maida (Vale) for me"

14 | "Gimme Moor(gate)

15 | "Marry-me-le-bone"

And of course...

16 | Something about Cockfosters.